Over the last few months I’ve posted about my partner and my experiences with dealing with the head injury he suffered after his accident (read about his accident here). In order to give this picture of strength, I’ve posted mostly good stuff – us overcoming adversity, him blitzing it in his recovery, me trying to cope by meditating, etc. I’ve neglected to really talk about the bad stuff, as I’ve needed to focus every ounce of my brain on the positives for my own mental state of being and his. I also haven’t wanted people to pity us, or to think we are weak.
I realise now that it is one of our ‘flaws‘ – both of us. We are battlers who have been through a hell of a lot in our lives (separately and together), and in order to cope we have both stuck our heads down and bums up and battled through things. But this is our coping mechanism. This is how we have gotten through all kinds of ‘challenges’ in life. We actually share similar upbringings, and scars from those upbringings, and we understand this about each other, and I guess this is one of the reasons why we just ‘work‘.
I know throughout the course of our relationship a lot of people have speculated about us – how could we be together, what did we had in common, we just weren’t compatible. Some people think we are both incredibly stubborn. This is true. Others think we are too independent for our own good – true for me. Others see us as strong – thank you. And others, well, others see me as a snob and Denis as arrogant. Those people can think what they think.
What am I trying to say?
Life isn’t all rosy, and the last few months have been fricken hard. Yes, it could’ve been a hell of a lot worse, and I am incredibly thankful to the universe that it wasn’t. I have worked hard to cling to this thought and all of the positive things that have followed. But at the moment I feel like shit and I just want to cry. I also want to turn back time to June when we were in China, when I felt the happiest and healthiest I have ever felt, and where Denis and I were truly happy and healthy. But I can’t. We have many challenges to come – including Den’s impending redundancy after just starting back at work (a double-edged sword), but that is life for us all. And so the world continues to turn, the days continue to pass, and we continue to get out of bed in the morning and get through this, because we are fighters and that’s what we know.