After you get married, you tend to get bombarded with questions (just like you did after getting engaged!)
“Does it feel different being married?”
“When are you having babies?” [ARGHHHHHH]
“When will you change your name?”
“Has getting married changed you? And what about your relationship?”
It can be so overwhelming! I mean, as if the engagement and wedding wasn’t enough!? Now you have more questions and decisions to make!
So does anything really change after you get married?
I’d like to think that nothing has changed since D and I got married.
To us, marriage was the next chapter in our story as well as a chance to throw a big party!
The name change
A few things did change though…
Initially I didn’t want to change my name.
After finally accepting it after all these years (my last name is Ripper… Google it. You get a lot of porn and Jack the Ripper references), I was clinging to my last name believing it defined my identity. After all, if I was no longer Janine Ripper than who would I be – especially after I had worked so hard to build myself as a brand!
There was more to it then that though. Stubborn and independent, I didn’t want to change my last name because society or a man dictated it. If I was going to change my last name, well, it was going to be on my own terms.
The concept of changing my last name has grown on me slowly, more so since we got married in January, although I still haven’t changed my last name. I do plan to eventually change it though… when I get around to picking up the wedding certificate!
Shit gets serious
If anything, getting married has convinced us that we need to become more serious about the messy administrative things we’d been putting off for years, such as moving bills into both of our names, consolidating credit cards, sorting out bank accounts and insurance policies. And then there’s the wills (or rather, the lack…). Sure, most couples would have all of this sorted out way earlier into a relationship, but we do tend to move at a snail’s pace when it comes to these things (okay, most things).
The new status and title (s)
I’m officially a wife (a word that still makes me giggle). And I now have a husband (which also makes me giggle).
I get to tell people I meet – especially pervy men – I am married, all whilst flashing the bling rings around. I also get to talk about my husband than partner or fiance. They all sound so god damn wanky to me so I tend to just say ‘D’ unless I feel I need to announce that I have a husband.
I’m now officially a step-mum. This was something I previously resisted as I hated the whole ‘step’ thing.
Perhaps growing up with fairy tales and the wicked step mother thing tarnished the concept for me. I have my step daughter to thank for helping me change my thinking, so much so that I have only recently started referring to my Mum’s husband as my step-dad – they’ve been married for years.
Post-wedding blues. Heard of it?
What many don’t openly talk about when discussing weddings and marriage is the concept of post-wedding blues.
Okay, some open up and talk about it AFTER you get married, but by then you’re in the midst of a foggy cloud of bills and exhaustion, wondering what the fuck happened to the so-called ‘honeymoon period’, especially when the public are under the impression that you and your other half are living it up in wedded bliss, enjoying the honeymoon period all loved up and humping like rabbits.
After giving it some thought, I think the post-wedding blues makes a lot of sense. I mean, after the extensive planning with your other half, friends and family, sometimes over a period of years, the elation of the big day and the aftermath, and the arrival of the photos everyone wants to see, suddenly the interest and excitement wears off only to leave you with time in the form of a big gaping hole in your life and the looming question of ‘what next?‘.
After you get married your priorities shift.
With a renewed emphasis on ‘us‘ and ‘we‘, your priorities now centre around the both of you, as well as your shared interests and goals. After committing to a life together, you now get to plan out and live your life together…
Living your life together… this thought has renewed my efforts to encourage D to quit smoking and ease up on his drinking. I only plan on getting married once, and I’d like us to have a few quality years up our sleeves to focus on our priorities, to live our lives, and to pursue our dreams!
Man it all sounds so grown up
Does this all mean I’m an adult now?
I certainly don’t feel like it. I still feel young. I still act young. I definitely don’t feel mumsy or wifey. It’s the white hairs that are betraying me.
Does everyone feel like this? Or maybe it’s the onset of my midlife crisis…
The key is NOT to let marriage change you OR your relationship
I think the point is to not let marriage change you, and to not let it alter your relationship. It’s also important to ask yourself WHY you are getting married in the first place. As well as what it means to you and your other half? If those meanings differ, well, that conversation is best being had before the big day!
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