I’m in the process of closing down my business and service offerings for the time being.
This decision has not been made lightly, but after a little over 2 years in business and 2-3 years working from home, I’ve come to the conclusion I need to do this for me.
But why? You’re so brave, how can you just quit? We look up to you.
We know you can do it. Don’t give up?
I don’t understand…you’re so good at what you do.
These are just some of the things people have said to me, things that in another day and time would have made me second guess my decision, or not reach this decision in the first place…
A number of factors have led to this moment.
1) I need to get out of the bloody house!
Working from home, whilst it can be awesome, can also be incredibly isolating and bad for your health, especially when your day involves 15 hours on the computer, with the only movement consisting of moving from the bed to the shower to the kitchen to the desk and then onto the couch… After three years I have gone stir crazy and it’s come time to leave the house, if only for a few hours a week. Yes, I’ll miss my dog and without a doubt she is missing me, but it needs to be done. Of course, when I can, she will be right by my side in the car.
2) I need to socialise with people face to face.
As a self-professed introvert, I love solitude. I especially love my me-time. But – and that’s a big but – it can be addictive and lead to social isolation. As it turns out, I love my dog, but I might have also slightly missed mingling with people in small but regular doses.
3) I need to get off my growing ass.
Waist. Hips. Thighs. Boobs… well, growing boobs are always welcome. They have all grown. I’m not huge, and there’s nothing wrong with growing in places, but damn I feel unhealthy and bloody lazy!
4) I NEED to unplug.
Although I love social media, blogging, and helping people with it all, being connected for at least 10 hours a day 7 days a week is exhausting and not good for anyone’s health – another reason why I recently turned down a full time job as a social media manager. There’s also the mental taxation caused by managing 7 Facebook pages, 5 Twitter accounts, and more, for an assortment of different people, businesses and personalities. When I have to remind myself who I am this very minute there is a little cause for concern…
5) I need to focus on MY writing and no one else’s.
As I become clearer in my purpose, writing style and well as my overall goals for my writing I need space to breathe and to focus. I also need access to my brain cells.
6) I need to earn a regular pay check.
The truth is you need money to get by, and you need a certain amount of money to be happy. It’s hard to be happy when you are constantly behind in bill payments, struggling to pay the mortgage, and are constantly focussed on chasing the dollar … or worrying where the next dollar will come from and when. It’s been more than stressful, and even though we went ahead with our wedding in January, we weren’t in the position to. We couldn’t have done so without some special benefactors, awesome friends, their connections, and many donations of kindness.
Starting my own business has been a huge learning curve and I don’t regret it for a second. I’ve met some wonderful people, but, as with anything, I’ve also met some dodgy fuckers and a few narcissists. I’ve also learned that whilst chasing your dream is commendable, it doesn’t necessarily pay well AND some people do try to take advantage of you. It’s also becoming increasingly hard to justify rates for things such as writing, virtual assistance, social media management, project management, and more when people can go offshore for someone who charges $1 an article or hour. That isn’t enough to keep a roof over my head, food on the plate… anything!
Over the last few weeks as I’ve learnt the ropes working casually in a cafe (yeah – I didn’t see that one coming!), Ive found myself enjoying it immensely – the socialisation, the focus on something other than a computer screen, the physical over mental exhaustion, and the movement. Ive also felt more invigorated in regards to my own writing and direction in life. Proof in the pudding that sometimes to focus on your passion you need to do something else less mentally taxing to then free up your mind.
7) Another motivating factor has been my overall wellness.
As you may be aware, wellness comes in all kinds of guises, and whereis I was focussing on my physical and mental wellness, I also need to focus on financial, and other areas. Ironically, over the last few months my physical and mental wellness started to decline, which was a wake up call for me (I had become LAZZZZY – no yoga, no meditation, no movement… not much of anything really).
On a side note it would also be nice to go on a honeymoon one of these days AND to see D pursue his food dream thus my efforts learn the ropes in a cafe AND earn some money so we can go on a holiday (it’s been 3 years and counting).
So there it is. Call me brave. Call me stupid. Call me crazy. But don’t call me a quitter, as I’m no quitter. I’m just scaling back and although I’m emotional and exhausted, Im also 110% happy with my decision 🙂
For now, I’ll still be here on this very blog I’ve written and shared my story on for over 6 years now, and promise to share more of my journey, writing, and helping to pave the way as a mental health and self care advocate both locally and internationally.
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