Everyone who knows me knows that D is the main cook in our household, .
He’s brilliant at it AND passionate about it. Me on the other hand, well, in the past I have hated cooking so much so that it stressed me out to the point of tears and tantrums.
A few months back I was giving a presentation whereby I explained how thanks to Pinterest I had been inspired to enter the kitchen to cook. I was personally really proud of this achievement, as the dishes I’ve tried have made the ‘will eat again list’, and some have even been devoured but the kids! But I was quickly pulled up by someone in the audience who advised that I had made a huge mistake stepping foot in the kitchen, and that once I started cooking and once we we’re married – well, then that was it. I’d be chained to the kitchen sink.
It quickly became a woman vs man joke with the audience, with me being the butt, so in order to keep momentum, I kinda left it at that. I was nervous enough giving a speech. I didn’t to start an argument with an audience member!
And then it happened again. I recently attended a workshop, which has been liberating, but made the mistake of saying that I was proud of my efforts in stepping up in the kitchen, and that what made me happy at the moment was seeing D happy when eating the food I have prepared him. I was quickly told that I had made a vital mistake by doing this, and that she could tell me a thing or two about relationships and the way it goes.
Anyone who wants her mate to be a true partner must treat him as an equal – and equally capable – partner. – Sheryl Sandburg, Lean In
You see, a relationship is a two-way street. Yes, in the past, the womans traditional role was ‘in the kitchen’ and looking after the home. But that is no more.
D and I have always gone 50/50 in most things, right from the get go. Household chores, bills – ok, not cooking. Which is why I see it as only fair that I make an effort to balance that out. I mean, IF we want to be treated as equals we must treat others as equals also, right?
I’m pretty sure I’m not being naive. D and I have been together about 9 years. Out of those 9 years I can honestly say D would have cooked for 8 1/4 of those (well, deduct the times we have eaten out or got take out…which is more than I should admit). So getting hitched SHOULDN’T change that. There are plenty who will tell me that it will, but I’m positive it won’t. Maybe I’m lucky. Maybe I’ve scored a ‘good man’. I don’t know. But my word to anyone is this:
Set the expectations early on both sides, and don’t molly coddle men. Men aren’t children, and I for one refuse to become a nag.