Growing old doesn’t have to make you bitter. Seriously!
And that’s why those of us who do get the chance to grow old should count ourselves lucky because there’s a lot of people who just don’t get that chance.
I feel blessed to be growing older, especially given the fact that I was a big fatalist as a young-un, truly believing I would not live past the age of 21.
No, I didn’t suffer a serious disease (although I did have a few near death experiences). No, I was naive and a fool due to an experience with a Ouija board at a makeshift séance when I was a teenager. It was an experience that FREAKED me out. Complete with a tent, farm, the wind, rain, darkness, candles and screaming teenage girls. It was something right out of a horror movie (or so my memories lead me to believe) – minus the dying part. From then on I developed the belief that my time would run out early. And so I lived in a constant state of fear and angst. The anxiety that I was running out of time fast encompassed me. And now I’m in my late 30’s and life ticks on.
I’m not gonna lie to you.
Life hasn’t been easy. There’s certainly been a lot of shit to deal with.
I’ve also done a lot of stupid stuff, made a load of mistakes, and hurt people.
AND I’ve fucked up a lot!
But life has also been amazing and beautiful and to be honest, I don’t regret a minute of it.
Every moment, including the years of depression and anxiety and sitting by D’s hospital bedside not knowing if he would make it.
Nope, I don’t regret any of it.
That’s the thing about growing older. It defines you.
I remember a conversation I had with someone last year. I was telling them that I didn’t want to grow old and bitter as let’s face it – a lot of people do! Nope, that wasn’t going to be me. I was going to turn into an old happy person, with lots of dogs, long hair, crazy twinkles in my eyes and a wide-eyed smile. Some may see me as an old nutter, but others will look at me and smile.
And the response?
Well, I was expecting something in the line of a high-five or a “good on you, that’s awesome” but instead I was met with:
“Everyone grows old and bitter. There’s no other way.”
and the corker;
“It will happen to you.”
Those words spoken to me made me angry but they also made me sad. Sad for the person who uttered them. Sad because I expected more. Sad because it was the path they were creating for themselves.
Well, not this little chicky.
If there’s one way to get under my skin it’s to tell me I will or I can’t do something, so let me vehemently tell you this.
We all have a choice.
We can either let life make us or break us.
We can also choose to grow old gracefully and happily, or let life’s happenings turn us bitter.
And truth is, even if we try to defy the odds by indulging in cosmetic trickery, none of us can outrun the years.
I for one will not be growing old and bitter, so do expect to see me in 20 years looking all mad and crazy like with flowing hair, animals, still rocking out to my fave tunes and laughing really loudly, because it’s my personal mission to become that eccentric older lady, and I have the perfect old model for it – my rockin’ mother.
Get out there. Seize life by the balls, laugh loudly, love lots, and live.
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