I’m 36 and as people like to remind me, my clock is ticking.
Apparently I’m running out of time.
Some say I haven’t lived up to expectations.
And according to societies standards I’m well and truly over the hill.
I’ve never been ‘that’ kind of female. I’ve just never yearned for them. I’m not even that fond of babies. I could go as far as to say they terrify me! And the thought of childbirth …
I’m the kind of gal who when groups of clucky women get together, I run in the other direction – especially during the parade of a newborn in the office. That sets the fear of god in me – the first thing I do is look for the nearest escape! And don’t make me hold the baby! I didn’t get over my fear of holding a baby till I was 33 when my first niece was born, and even then I was terrified of breaking her.
The only babies I’ve ever really taken too were my two nieces.
When they were born I fell in love – and yes, some thought at the time they had succeeded in converting me. Admittedly, they were and ARE the most adorable little people in the world (okay – I’m biased … but they are)! But thats as far as it went. I wasn’t converted to the dark side.
I’ve just never felt the ‘calling’ to have my own child. I’ve never felt that yearning in my uterus – the one so many women talk about. The CLUCKINESS!
I’ve never felt it was my ‘duty’ to pop out one – or a few – even though the Australian Liberal government tried it on a few years back to guilt ‘us women’ into doing our bit for society. if there was never a reason to have a kid it was that!
I have decided to not to have kids of my own, and have done so without coercion, encouragement or convincing from others.
Some I’ve told have laughed it off saying ‘I will change my mind’. Others are shocked. It’s a big decision yeah?! Others – close friends who are my age – are in the same boat. We don’t exactly know what it is able people our age, but most of us just don’t have the urge. I am thankful that we have gravitated towards each other as we all have the same beliefs, desires and so on, and I don’t feel like such a freak!
In the end this is MY decision. It is MY body and it is MY life.
Things may change. I may hit 40 and go ‘Woah WTF I need to have a kid NOW’. But I don’t think I will. I’ll give myself till the age of 38 to change my mind. If I don’t, so be it. If I do, well, I will try naturally, but I know I’m pretty sure I will never subject myself to IVF or any of that stuff. That is my personal choice, and I know what my body can handle.
In the end, I’m going to be the most rockin’ aunty and I just love that idea 🙂
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