How the hell did I get here? I feel like such a sucker. Some people approached me with a possible solution to my fatigue, a solution that doubled as a way to make money (MLM scheme… I’m such a sucker).
I’ve tried to come to terms with the fact that my fatigue is something I need to learn to manage and that there will never be a ‘cure’ but with so many people telling me that this solution would do amazing things and that I had to try it as people had had miraculous results. Add to that I trusted and had professional respect for the head honcho, well. ‘What the hell’ I thought to myself, ‘let’s give it one last shot – it can’t hurt right!?’
Sometimes I feel like I’m the Queen of ‘famous last words’, and by now I really should have learned to listen to that niggling voice of doubt creeping up inside of me, rather than being swayed by promises of a fix. The ‘solution’ in this case involved a swag of supplements, a tonic, whey protein shakes, as well as a weekly cleanse to rid the body of built up toxins. I’d never bought into this stuff before, as was against the whole concept of ‘diets’ after years of body dysmorphia issues and borderline anorexia when I was younger BUT as a solution to my energy problems – well, I could give it a go. And if so many people believed in it, were super-pumped, and professed to its success because they had seen results…well…it could work!
Deep down I knew I was playing with fire
I was adamant I was doing it for increased energy BUT I knew in the back of my mind that I needed to be incredibly careful that I did not get hooked on the whole weight loss / body image thing, especially when I could see everyone’s before and after selfies showing how hot they were now, so I made sure that I ate, didn’t do the full cleanse, and kept hydrated. I also avoided weighing myself and taking my measurements. I would not be getting hooked on numbers as I believe that really fucks with your head (scales are EVIL).
I also knew that I needed to be careful with my antidepressants as some supplements could interfere with them, but I was a good girl and did a lot of investigation but could find no warnings or no advice aside from the standard ‘consult your Doctor’ message. I also delved into the ingredients and chemical makeup of the supplements and my antidepressants but couldn’t identify any issues.
After the initial week of caffeine withdrawals where I wanted to curl up in a ball and die, I experienced a surge of energy and was feeling less fluidy and trimmer – I had a flat stomach and slimmer elsewhere. In hindsight, this is probably because I wasn’t drinking caffeine, alcohol, and was actually drinking a load of water, thus flushing my system and rehydrating my body. I felt great – although hungry and with the constant need to pee – and thought that I was on to something.
After a month I felt like I had been hit by a bloody steam train
Hit by extreme fatigue, which I initially associated with a bout of gastro that seemed to go on forever, I was also experiencing these insane chills in the middle of the day where I just could not get warm, as well as dizzy spells and increased moodiness.
I intensively researched via Google, asked around, and delved into the company’s portal to see if I could find anything, but mostly came up trumps (unless I went so far as page 20 on Google search). I also read the back of the supplement bottles again and noted that 2 bottles referred to those with allergies and asthma avoiding them…so I quickly eliminated them from my diet. With my years of IBS issues, as well as hay fever and minor asthma, I thought that would be a wise mood, plus I had the increasing suspicion that something was messing with my antidepressants. I knew the feelings, and it felt like I kept missing a dose even though I was taking my daily dose, so on further deep thinking I ditched the other supplements which were for ‘flushing’ your body and aiding digestion. My belief is that those supplements were causing my body to flush out the meds faster than my brain could process, thus messing with my serotonin levels. This kinda helped, but I was still feeling off and my stomach issues were becoming increasingly worse – something that was really upsetting since it had taking me years to get them right in the first place.
Sometimes you should listen to your man
D had been telling me all along that the protein shakes were no good for me but I insisted they were fine and that they were working. I loved them! Through drinking the protein sakes I made sure I had something for breakfast (over the nothing I was having previously). I was also keeping hydrated and feeling leaner and liking the way I looked. Sure I was feeling like shit…
I really want to slap myself for being so stupid! On chatting to people on Facebook I found out my sister was allergic to whey protein and that whey protein can be really bad for some people! i.e. ME! Whilst trying to detox my body I had in fact increased it’s toxicity and made myself incredibly sick.
It’s taken me 2 months to start feeling any better, with a real low point before Christmas where I was incredibly fatigued, hated everything about myself and just wanted to give up on everything. This was as a result of some intense body bashing myself – the likes I haven’t experienced in a very long time. I was also still feeling sick so I had some blood tests and my iron levels were through the roof.
So now I’ve gone back to basics. I’m eating real food, drinking real drinks, having my treats and exercising. I’m also striving for balance, decreasing stress, getting back into mindfulness and meditation, resting, and most importantly, learning to love myself as I am all over again as I don’t need to be skinner or prettier. I am perfect the way I am.
I believe there is no other long-term way to live other than real food and balance. What I’ve learned is that I should have stayed true to myself but also that by tuning in and listening to my body, I knew the answers to my problems.
If you are tempted to go down a path for anything to improve your health, my advice to you is this:
- Do your research
- Ask around
- Consult your GP
- Don’t take what someone says, or what the company says, as gospel as they simply may not know!
- Investigate, investigate, investigate
- Question, question, question
- If it’s not working for you that’s okay. It doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It just means that it is not right for YOU.
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