When was the last time someone really listened to you? You know, when someone gave you 100% of their attention. Where you felt truly heard.
Where they didn’t butt in, impose their opinion, finish your sentence, jump to conclusions, judge, or even look at their smartphone five times…
Whether caught up in the craziness of life and chronic multitasking, via our changing brains thanks to social media or because we are pursuing our agendas, in this increasingly hectic world, many of us have lost our ability to focus and actively listen. On top of that, some of us have given up trying to be heard.
I realised how poor my listening had become when I commenced a life-coaching course and delved into mindfulness.
I had allowed myself to get so caught up in social media networks, blogging, phone calls and text messages, trying to keep on top of four email accounts, maintaining a relationship, a house, a family, my health…I thought I was multitasking like a boss, but my former strong point— listening—had been compromised with my mind on so many things. In a nutshell, I sucked.
“When listening falters and ultimately fails…people become less and less effective, incapable of realizing their visions in reality.”
Genership: Beyond Leadership toward liberating the creative soul, David Castro
As a high-performer who prided herself in her communication abilities, I was falling down in a critical area.
But that wasn’t all.
I suddenly realised that I didn’t feel like I was truly being listened to, which was why I was so unhappy in my job.
Things weren’t going according to plan, rather, I wasn’t even sure what the plan was any more or whose plan I was following! And on top of that, I wasn’t listening to what I wanted in life! I had been so caught up in doing what everyone else wanted me to do at any given time, what everyone else thought I was good at, what everyone else thought was best for me—that I had just ended up shutting up and shutting down.
As soon as I started focusing on actively listening, observing, and honouring people (including myself) with silence, my world and relationships started to change.
“We can seek to create a dialogue with the world in which we strive for silence and let the world speak to us, while limiting our interference with what we observe. Our knowledge cannot eliminate the observer effect, but by minimizing it, we can gain access to critical understanding and awareness.”
Genership: Beyond Leadership toward liberating the creative soul, David Castro
When was the last time you listened to someone by providing them 100% of your attention?
And when was the last time you truly felt listened to?
Here is my challenge to you.
Turn off the phone, switch off the TV, or step away from the computer.
Sit down with your partner, child, friend or colleague, and ask them how they are.
Let them talk, and you…well, open up your attention and your ears and just listen…
Change starts somewhere and with someone.
You can start that change.
