When you experience mental health challenges, there’s one thing you get a lot of.
Advice.
Be it welcome, well-intended, ill-intentioned or otherwise, people like to give their two cents.
I’ve received my fair share, which has changed my life.
On the other hand, some of the advice I’ve received from people who have never experienced a mental illness has missed the mark and added to my feelings of angst and self-loathing.
Here are 30 tips from people who have been there, lived with mental ill-health, and made it through to the other side.
These tips are also for carers, friends, colleagues and family members.
- A lot of people underestimate rest, especially sleeping and recovery time – Jason Day
- Keep a journal/diary, or buy an adult colouring-in book – they’re great. Go for a walk even. If you don’t want to, listen to music or a podcast – Nick
- Find ways to socially connect with people face-to-face in a domain that suits your interests. This could be doing some exercise, volunteering, attending community events, a hobby group, a Meetup etc… Once you connect with others, you’ll feel less isolated – Rahul Seth
- Sometimes all we need is a hug or someone to sit with us in silence. And that is okay.
- Being told that I’m not alone, that what I was/am experiencing was what others experience. That normalised it for me – Stephen @kidatheart63
- No matter what you do, you can’t control other people and how they react, so don’t take it on board. You can only control your actions and reactions – Shante
- It’s okay if the only thing you did today was breathe.
- Sleep first – Suzannah
- Celebrate the small things. Some days I celebrate getting out of bed and moving to the couch
- I’m here to listen and/or provide a shoulder to lean on – Stuart Nager
- Allow yourself to take a mental health day every now and then, even if that translates to a couch day. And most importantly – DON’T feel guilty about it!
- There is no ‘one size fits all’ or ‘one solution fits all’. What helps one person may not work for you. So keep trying different things until you find something that works for you. Working out. Yoga. Meditation. Mindfulness. Quitting alcohol. Changing careers. Medication. More sleep. Less sleep. Here are some things that help me manage my anxiety and panic attacks
- I think being open and honest, and respectful with yourself is important. No one can fix anything if they don’t acknowledge a problem – Jenn
- It’s ok to remove toxic people from your life. What they say about you after that happens is none of your business; it doesn’t serve you – Tegan
- “If you know someone who’s depressed, please resolve never to ask them why. Depression isn’t a straightforward response to a bad situation; depression just is, like the weather.” – Stephen Fry
- My experience is patience – Use quiet tones, no sarcasm, no blame. Don’t hover over the person you’re speaking with. Sit as close as you can, and if you feel they are ok with it, hold their hand. The power of simple touching and hugging – it is spirit-lifting. If needed, just sit silently and tell them you’re here for them and want to listen. Depending on what’s talked about, tell them no judgements – Lisa
- Learn to practice and prioritise self-care. Self-care is essential to surviving and thriving. Here are 64 ideas to help you make a start
- Own your story. Be PROUD. You are a survivor EVERY DAY
- Learn to say no. If something isn’t sitting right with you, ask yourself why you feel that way. It could be because your body and/or mind is trying to tell you something! Take my career in project management, for example. Now that was a bad career move for someone with chronic anxiety, even if I was good at it! It was not good for me.
- I have dealt with my son’s PTSD (bad times), my other son’s divorce, my furry best friend died last year and Alzheimer’s with my Mom. My journey with that is slowly killing my soul. Everyone has personal stories about how they have coped. It is good to share ideas and to talk about things – Lisa
- It’s true what they say. You can only help others when you help yourself. Self-love is a very important thing – and it isn’t selfish, no matter what anyone tells you!
- Some people will never understand what you are going through. Some may even say it ‘doesn’t exist’ or to ‘get over it’. Try not to take it personally; they simply don’t understand and may never understand. Try not to focus on it, as it will just make you feel worse.
- Be kind to yourself! Even if you aren’t feeling self-love, crack out the positive affirmations and start talking to yourself nicely. Trust me; it gets easier the more you do it.
- Write down the negative things that are impacting your life, make a list of your support network, and make a list of things that excite you – try to do one of those per week – Nick
- “If any of us caught a fever during pregnancy, we would seek advice and support from a doctor. Getting help with our mental health is no different – our children need us to look after ourselves and get the support we need.” – Kate Middleton
- Be wary of stimulants. Alcohol, caffeine, sugar, drugs. What effect do they have on your mind and body? They can be depressants.
- The stigma around mental health is about the stories we tell ourselves as a society. What is normal? That’s just a story that we tell ourselves – Matthew Quick
- Surround yourself with positive stuff. Cartoons. Inspirational quotes. Happy people. Comedy series. Take in what you need and shut out what you don’t (this includes avoiding things like the news and gossip)
- Look after yourself physically AND spiritually. We are not slaves to our emotions. All that we are is the result of what we have thought, so we must guard our hearts and minds so that we don’t think toxic thoughts – Joh
- Someone cares. They’re waiting to hear from you. A simple text message may make the world of difference!
- You are not lazy, weak, a freak, weirdo, sad-sack, sensitive soul, or an irrational person. Don’t listen to the naysayers.
- If you’re a parent, it’s okay to say, “just talk to me”. As another human being, I’m your parent and love you, but I’m taking off my parent hat and am open to any conversation. No blowback, no judgement – Lisa
- Shop around for a good councillor. They need to be someone you have a rapport with. Someone who gets you and, most importantly, someone you feel comfortable with. Never ‘settle’
- In no particular order:
- Find a good therapist
- Develop at least three persons for your support
- Find a good psychiatrist – don’t rely on primary care
- Try journaling or meditation or both
- Exercise at least three times a week, preferably 4 or 5 – Todd
And here are some tips from me on the topic of medication for mental illness:
- It’s okay to take medication. It doesn’t mean you’ve failed. Some of us need it to get through the darkness. Some of us need it for life. Look at it like someone who has diabetes or high blood pressure. They take medication to stay well. To live. Never be ashamed!
- The first antidepressants I ever took gave me this thing I call ‘brain jolts’. After chatting with my GP, I came off of them. Unfortunately, my depression returned with a vengeance after I went back on antidepressants a few years ago – this time, I insisted on a different type. I went through two weeks of nausea after I started the antidepressants I’m on now. After that, I levelled out and am still on them years later.
- Don’t take yourself off medication (i.e. antidepressants) or decrease your dosage without consulting your GP and doing it with them (or at least telling them). This can be incredibly dangerous, firstly, for your mental health. Secondly, you will experience withdrawal symptoms that aren’t pleasant. Thirdly, you could relapse/have suicidal thoughts.
Thanks to everyone who inputted into this article by sharing their survival and recovery tips.
Disclaimer:
The information contained in this post and on this blog must not be relied on as medical advice. You should consult your doctor if you have any specific concerns about your mental health.
